I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize