Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
