I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
