Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
