i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
