She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
