I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
