I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
