I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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