a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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