she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
