I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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