Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
