This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A bitchslap is in order.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize