awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
