my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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