I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I want to make a zoo with you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
