Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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