My first STD was from a foam party
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
