I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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