Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
