I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
