I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
