Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
