He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
