i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
