you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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