I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
