dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
