I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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