Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
