happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
