as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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