I forgot how hot balto sounded
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
