Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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