Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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