So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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