new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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