I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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