Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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