maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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