I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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