Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
