All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
