Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I came so hard my ears popped.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
