I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
