i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
