I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's never too late to be topless.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
