are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm passing your future prison.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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