I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
