fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
