this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
