Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
