im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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