don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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