If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
