He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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