Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
