We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
