do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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