We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your cock deserves a montage
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
