the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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