i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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