well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
