And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
