You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
