Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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