Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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