New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
