we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
