I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
