he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
