K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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